Untamed Traveler

I’m a People Watcher….

In traveling around China, I see thousands and thousands of people. I’m a people watcher. Watching people is the only thing you can do while waiting hours and hours for planes, trains, and donkey carts.

Some people look like Chinese versions of other people. Some look like combinations of people… like this one. If you mixed Mike Wolf with Jimmy Fallon, you might get this Chinese guy I saw at the train station.

I see these types of, I’ll call them “combo people,” all the time.

During this trip, I’ve also met a factory guy that looks much like Bruce Lee would have looked if he lived another 40 years and gained another 40 pounds. Then I thought… maybe this is Bruce Lee. Hum. How do we know if Bruce Lee just didn’t fake his disappearance back in the 70’s? Maybe his real dream was not to be a Kung Fu movie star but instead, a lowly factory manager of some forgotten dingy chinaware factory in northern China? Hey, you never know.

At lunch, I even coughed the word “Bruce” to see if he would react and he did! He turned and looked at me with that “eye of the tiger look” that Bruce Lee was famous for! I thought he was going to karate chop me in half so I backed off. Even though he’s really overweight now, I wouldn’t screw with him because after all… he is Bruce Lee.

This was all very odd because I just read an article on the internet (so you know it must be true) that they found Jim Morrison alive in a Parisan old people’s home. This old guy was humming “Light My Fire” and someone connected the dots!

Then I thought “Maybe Elvis isn’t dead!” Just maybe he’s living in China? We all know that there are a significant number of people who don’t believe he died! Now, I’m not silly enough to think he’s living with Kennedy and Hitler, that’s preposterous! But, I do think he might be here in China!

Now follow me on this. Let just say that Elvis was sooo tired of all the pretty women throwing themselves at him. Let’s just say that he was soooo tired of all the money, the fame, the demands of being the King.

Let’s just say, he was thinking of a way out… and he’s looking in his mirror at himself. His eye twitches and he squints a bit… WOW!!!! He realized that when he squints, he looks Chinese!!! He returns to round eye Elvis… then squints again to Chinese Elvis… then to round eye Elvis… then back to Chinese Elvis. Then, all of a sudden, he has this terrible pain in his eyes. He rubs and rubs and then looks up in the mirror to find….  HE’S PERMANENTLY BECOME  CHINESE ELVIS!!!

Now, I know this is possible because I remember once, growing up… my brother and I were crossing our eyes and laughing and my mother told us that if we kept doing that, our eyes would stay crossed! Now, if that doesn’t scare a child into quitting, I don’t know what would. For years I was afraid that could happen spontaneously! I knew it could because my mother certainly wouldn’t have lied. (She was wrong, however, about the going blind thing)

So.. getting back to Elvis… After permanently becoming “Chinese Elvis” he probably saw moving to China as a way out. Now, a quick Google of Chinese Elvis’s totally supports my point. He could be anyone of these people! I’m going to keep my eye out
for old Chinese men, with long sideburns, wearing glittery suits!

Another factory owner I met looked like… (I’m frightened even writing this) He looked like…. A Chinese vampire!  Seriously!  I even took his picture and nothing came out! It was totally blank!

This guy had eye teeth, canines, aka vampire teeth, that were protuding so far out that he looked like a really hungry vampire! He offered to take me to lunch but I declined, never turning my back on the guy!

Then I thought… wait… a vampire can’t be out in the day, right? But… I’m in China and there’s is so much polution that it probably blocks out the type of daylight that melts a vampire, so in China… they can be up all the time! No wonder they can produce so much! It makes perfect sense.

I was really happy to get out of that factory without being bitten. The thought of forever roaming China as a American-Chinese vampire is frightening. Then again, with the enormous population here, there would be plenty of food….

So, another day is dawning and

WAIT A MINUTE!!!! I’VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!